I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
there was a trapeze. enough said
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
