Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Randomize
Follow @tfln