your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.