Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(469): View more from Texas

you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.

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(469): you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted. http://tfl.nu/d3cr

Replies (12) Good night (5360) Bad night (721)
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(303): View more from Colorado

At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.

(1-303): View more from Colorado

At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.

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(303): At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends. (1-303): At about the same time you guys weren't burritos. http://tfl.nu/mxci

Replies (27) Good night (8113) Bad night (1032)
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(937): View more from Ohio

It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.

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(937): It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs. http://tfl.nu/4p26

Replies (24) Good night (1345) Bad night (7042)
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(309): View more from Illinois

with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.

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(309): with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone. http://tfl.nu/1pr2

Replies (9) Good night (4262) Bad night (885)
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(614): View more from Ohio

Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here

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(614): Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here http://tfl.nu/czu0

Replies (13) Good night (3307) Bad night (1120)
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(979): View more from Texas

his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.

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(979): his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible. http://tfl.nu/lobz

Replies (15) Good night (4180) Bad night (1245)
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(315): View more from New York

3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.

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(315): 3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn. http://tfl.nu/iak3

Replies (8) Good night (2155) Bad night (868)
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(+61): View more from Australia

A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.

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(+61): A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul. http://tfl.nu/nbi1

Replies (5) Good night (1976) Bad night (578)
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(518): View more from New York

Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.

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(518): Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try. http://tfl.nu/4xiu

Replies (2) Good night (861) Bad night (437)
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(315): View more from New York

I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on

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(315): I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on http://tfl.nu/7hrd

Replies (3) Good night (714) Bad night (442)
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(516): View more from New York

I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.

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(516): I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are. http://tfl.nu/mo3l

Replies (6) Good night (1913) Bad night (568)
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(614): View more from Ohio

Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.

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(614): Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion. http://tfl.nu/m36o

Replies (4) Good night (308) Bad night (1049)
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(904): View more from Florida

I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.

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(904): I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic. http://tfl.nu/k23m

Replies (1) Good night (444) Bad night (281)
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(709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.

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(709): I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down. http://tfl.nu/4ppm

Replies (1) Good night (391) Bad night (196)
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(506): View more from New Brunswick

We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!

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(506): We got a lap dance! I touched a boob! http://tfl.nu/ybfh

Replies (4) Good night (598) Bad night (213)

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