I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.