im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
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Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.