Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(704): View more from North Carolina

I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"

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(704): I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful" http://tfl.nu/hdrb

Replies (26) Good night (6031) Bad night (757)
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(225): View more from Louisiana

I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room

(1-225): View more from Louisiana

haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?

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(225): I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room (1-225): haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom? http://tfl.nu/q6me

Replies (55) Good night (10364) Bad night (935)
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(704): View more from North Carolina

IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.

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(704): IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT. http://tfl.nu/nkol

Replies (18) Good night (945) Bad night (4893)
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(214): View more from Texas

call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight

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(214): call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight http://tfl.nu/wfsk

Replies (75) Good night (7311) Bad night (754)
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(501): View more from Arkansas

He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.

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(501): He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice. http://tfl.nu/qyuj

Replies (7) Good night (5998) Bad night (805)
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(512): View more from Texas

no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.

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(512): no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian. http://tfl.nu/oqdk

Replies (15) Good night (3271) Bad night (1118)
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(424): View more from California

I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.

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(424): I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing. http://tfl.nu/4boy

Replies (11) Good night (5616) Bad night (1137)
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(914): View more from New York

something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..

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(914): something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined.. http://tfl.nu/wloj

Replies (13) Good night (762) Bad night (4910)
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(815): View more from Illinois

If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again

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(815): If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again http://tfl.nu/myb5

Replies (3) Good night (1538) Bad night (2576)
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(313): View more from Michigan

I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.

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(313): I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents. http://tfl.nu/eaix

Replies (6) Good night (3023) Bad night (835)
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(906): View more from Michigan

It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.

(1-906): View more from Michigan

Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.

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(906): It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar. (1-906): Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill. http://tfl.nu/e2gb

Replies (8) Good night (1471) Bad night (574)
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(408): View more from California

Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.

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(408): Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding. http://tfl.nu/vpqq

Replies (6) Good night (536) Bad night (1103)
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(410): View more from Maryland

Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.

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(410): Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes. http://tfl.nu/1wpu

Replies (12) Good night (1074) Bad night (418)
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(778): View more from British Columbia

I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job

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(778): I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job http://tfl.nu/qp1e

Replies (0) Good night (482) Bad night (171)
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(601): View more from Mississippi

Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?

(1-601): View more from Mississippi

I'm coming right back.

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(601): Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell? (1-601): I'm coming right back. http://tfl.nu/the6

Replies (3) Good night (709) Bad night (210)

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