True but thats because hes a fetus.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.