he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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