Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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