But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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