If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
