I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
