But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
