it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
