I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
