just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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