But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
