I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
