Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
