That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I want to fling myself into the sun
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
