So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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