Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
