my phone needs a breathalizer
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
