stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
