She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
