there was a trapeze. enough said
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
