Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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