So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
