i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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