dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
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It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
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Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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