just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Randomize
