I think I won the penis lottery.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
