And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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