I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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