why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
