You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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