My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
