My liver just broke up with me...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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