smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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