I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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