Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
