Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
