so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
