I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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