Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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