3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
