Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
