the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
