I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
