what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
