She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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