I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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