Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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