Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
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just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
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Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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