so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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