quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
