all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The uberlube is also flammable
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
