We're facebook friends in real life
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I currently don't understand fingers.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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