i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize