is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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