he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
