I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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