I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
