I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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