Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
