It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
