let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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