Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
