Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
