I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
